When we speak, we use
much more than just words. We also communicate with our face, our hands, and
even our own body. This kind of communication can be called "body
language" or "non-verbal communication". Non-verbal
communication not only includes how we move our body, but also hand gestures,
facial expressions including eye contact, and how we use our voice.
Psychologists estimate that between 60% and 80% of all of our communication
with other people is non-verbal. We communicate a wide range of information
non-verbally. We also show our feelings, attitudes, moods, hopes and wishes far
better with non-verbal language than with words.
Not
only is a large QUANTITY of communication non-verbal in nature, but the QUALITY
is high as well. For example, if a person says something positive while his
face looks negative, which are we more likely to believe? In most cases, we
will believe the non-verbal facial expression. In the end, his words will not
succeed in communicating his message. If we want to succeed in our everyday
conversations, we really must learn to "speak" with our body well!
These
are some general advice. The main thing is to relax and be natural. Trying too
hard to use "body language" will make you seem a bit strange.
Instead, you should allow your body language to naturally follow your words. If
you say something positive, then your face, body and hands should show it too.
If you are expressing a sad or worried feeling, then your face, body and hands
should change with that feeling. As you think about it more and consider how
you can use your body to communicate, you will become more and more natural.
Using our hands, we can emphasize our main
points, remind our listener how many main points we have, and let our listener
know when we are changing topics. A dramatic movement of the hand or moving our
hands wide apart can signal how important something is. We can even use two
fingers, either close together or far apart, to show how big something is. To
show VERY strong feeling we could clap our hands together loudly or make a fist
(put our fingers in a ball as though we want to hit someone) and hit a table or
desk. To show that we welcome someone, on the other hand, we can hold our hands
out with the palms up, and maybe move them towards a chair to invite someone to
sit next to us.
Some
hand gestures that are popular are waving to someone as a greeting or holding
your index finger and thumb into a circle to mean "okay". However,
there are some countries where these can have bad meanings! It's important to
be careful when using certain common gestures. Don't assume that everyone in
the world understands one gesture in the same way. Still, you can use basic
gestures most of the time, then when you see a strange reaction from your
listener, you can make sure to emphasize your real meaning by using words and a
different hand movement.
Facial
expressions are a very common way that we use to communicate every day. When
speaking English, it's generally good to smile at your listener from time to
time, especially when he or she has made an interesting comment. Also nod your
head up and down to show you are really interested. From time to time, you can
add a sound of agreement, such as "Uh huh" or even just
"mmmm", to show you are listening. Above all, it is important to
maintain eye contact while listening. Sometimes it is okay to move your eyes
away when you are speaking, because you do have to think about what you want to
say. However the listener should almost always look at the speaker without
moving the eyes away (without "averting" the eyes).
If,
instead of standing, you are speaking to someone while talking, you can show
your friendliness and "openness" by leaning a little bit toward the
speaker. Try to avoid folding your arms in front of your chest. Many people
consider folding your arms as a cold, "protective" gesture. Instead,
you could have your hands on your knees, or one hand on your knee and the other
at your side. You can fold your arms sometimes if you wish, but don't hold them
there for a long time. As long as your hands move from time to time, the
listener will not think that you are unfriendly.
Besides
all of the obvious physical ways to communicate non-verbally, we have our
voice. We use "intonation", loudness and "pitch" (how high
or low our voice sounds) to change our meaning. Even when our voice does not
make an actual word, it still can communicate feeling and attitude. Combined
with the words we use, our voice can be a very powerful way to express what we
mean. A strong voice can communicate confidence while a quiet voice
communicates intimacy or some secret message. A loud, high pitched voice
(similar to a girl screaming) can communicate nervousness or excitement, while
a deep voice might mean we are tired or not enthusiastic.
Body
language is one of the basic skills that all students need.
By
Aswathy Nair
Faculty in English
Benchmark International School
[Source: usingenglish.com]